quiet desperation

"The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation" - Henry David Thoreau

About every two weeks, the librarian asks a staff member at the school where I work to brings items which are descriptive of the time that staff member was in high school as well as items that represent significant events/things in the staff member's life. My items are on display in the library right now. It is pretty cool to look at. Some of the things in the display case are: a high school yearbook(turned to the page where I am pictured as "most likely to succeed"); plaques for debate and being my high school's student body president; my college diploma; several medals for an oratorical contest, being a Renaissance scholar, sing song, university scholar, etc.; counseling textbooks; a hymnal; Zoe Group CDs and songbooks; a composite of my fraternity; Lance Armstrong's two books; about six Sports Illustrated magazines with Lance on the cover; and my favorite book - The Chosen. I look at the display case and am proud of all of the things those items represent, but there's something wrong today...

There is a baby with a congenital diaphragmatic hernia in New York City that I have been thinking about. This baby is being lifted up in prayer by many people. I reflect upon that situation and wonder why it is occurring. It pains my heart that the parents of the child are going through such an ordeal - and I don't even know them well. That situation makes all of my successes seem trivial. That baby doesn't care about succeeding or getting awards or getting educated - he responds to the caring touch of his parents, the love that they have for him, and (I believe) the prayers that are being said on his behalf.

My desperation (for today) comes from the thought that I should view myself as helpless as that little baby and rely on those things that he is being surrounded by: love (from family, friends, and God), hope (for his physical and spiritual future), and faith (that the Master of the Universe is in control). And yet these 29 years have brought me so far away from that.

It is not my intention to offend anyone by this post. I am trying to work out all the things this little baby and his struggle are teaching me. I want to say thank you to him for reminding me of what is really important (even if, like an adult that I am, I forget all too soon).

Forgetful

That's what I am. Sometimes I really can't believe I've remembered to go to work or live my life. Here's an example of what I mean. After bible study last night, I went up to the church building to work on some homework and get some church business done. I do this for two reasons: 1. I don't have a computer at my apartment and 2. the church building doesn't have as many distractions as my apartment. Anyway, I looked up some counseling standards, viewed some syllabi, wrote a letter to the school of one of my clients, and also put together the worship team schedule for May. I put all of the stuff I had looked up in a big binder and went home for the evening. I told myself last night not to forget the big binder this morning. I told myself this morning to not forget the big binder. I get to work this morning and what have I forgotten: the big binder. It's not like I can rush to my apartment and get it either because my apartment is 25 minutes away - aaarghhh. I will say this: I e-mailed myself a copy of the letter I had written - so I do have that.

I've got to decide what classes I'm going to take over the summer. Some of my classmates have decided not to take any classes. However, I don't think I have that luxury because I have to work during the school year and somehow have to get all of my hours in for internship. Everything else is pretty much the same. My younger sister will be coming home in a couple of weeks - she's done with her first year of college. Wow!! I can't believe that. Alright, if anything profound happens in my life, I'll try to write about it in my next blog. However, usually the profound things aren't profound in a good way and I'm too embarrassed to write about them. Sorry.

Later.

Favorite Things

I spent this weekend doing/enjoying some of my favorite things. On Friday night, I watched "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone" on Disney Channel. I also put together the order of worship for yesterday's service. I slept late on Saturday, got up and ate Frosted Flakes, and then went back to sleep. I went to the church building and put the sheet music together for the worship team. After that, I went home and started reading The Chosen. I got to watch "Angel", "Little House on the Prairie", and "Trading Spaces". Yesterday, I led worship, went to eat with friends, finished The Chosen, watched "Jack and Bobby", and watched "Grey's Anatomy". Let me explain some of my favorite things:

1. Harry Potter - I love the books and the movies - they 're awesome!
2. Leading worship - I love singing and I get to pick good songs like "Hear Our Praises" and "This is How We Overcome."
3. Sleeping - a luxury I still enjoy being a bachelor and all.
4. Frosted Flakes - is there a better cereal?
5. The Chosen - my favorite book - it's about father/son relationships, friendship, conservative/liberal religion - it's just relaxing to read.
6. "Angel" - the best show ever - a lot deeper than most people think - a lost soul trying to atone for bad deeds, but unable to - sound familiar??
7. Little House on the Prairie - I love the books, love the show, and now they've made this updated version - good all around.
8. "Trading Spaces" - relaxing to watch - I don't know what I think about the show not having a host, though.
9. Eating with friends - is there anything better?
10. "Jack and Bobby" - cool show - although, it may be going down the drain - too much sex and teenager stuff.
11. "Grey's Anatomy" - I'm torn about this show. Reminds me of med school which doesn't make me feel so good for some reasons that you know and others that you don't - but it's cool to watch.

So, there you have it. Great weekend. Too bad I can't enjoy it too much b/c I feel guilty that I didn't study. But hey, I read a 289 page book - that should count for something, right?

Thanks for reading.

Glen Rose, Texas

I grew up in Stephenville, Texas. Stephenville is about 45 minutes away from Glen Rose. Glen Rose has a river and dinosaur tracks. When I was in the Stephenville High School student council, we went to Glen Rose one day for fun. I wasn't the most popular person in the student council so I don't remember it being too fun for me. The really cool kids all hung out together. I forget who I hung out with. Another time that I went to Glen Rose, I was walking along the river and the bottom seemed to be all one rock. The water was really shallow - not more than one foot deep. All the algae growing on that rock made it slippery. I was walking, and then I fell. My legs went up in front of me, my head went back, I was in there air, and then I was in the water. The rock hurt my head. That is another memory of Glen Rose, Texas. There is a picture that we have of my grandmother sitting at the river in Glen Rose. She already had Alzheimer's disease at that point in her life. She was in the "mean" stage of the disease - always trying to hit me when I got too close to her because she didn't know who I was. There are also a lot of historical markers in Glen Rose - I had to do a historical marker project in 7th grade for Texas history class. I made a 102 on the project.

I think my friends have decided that we are going to meet in Glen Rose, Texas this summer. I am looking forward to making some great memories there June 29th through July 4th.