melancholia
I am alone and will always be alone. I hate that. What's wrong with me?
Yes, this is me wanting you to respond.
What does that mean?
About Me
- Name: mdlg
- Location: Texas, United States
I'm a son, brother, uncle, and PhD student. I think life is a struggle, and I try to do my best to maneuver myself through it.
Previous Posts
- Homecoming
- I don't think this will be very long
- It's been a while....
- happiness
- Sunday Service
- my run-in with the law
- Damn Little House on the Prairie
- resignation
- Finally...something to blog about
- back on-line
4 Comments:
Two thoughts:
1. You're never really alone. Just right now what you have around you isn't what you want. Sometimes just knowing "God is there" isn't enough for our feeble, mortal spirits. And it's okay to tell Him that it's not enough, because He built us this way.
2. You have no idea what you will always be. I can't even know how long I will continue to "be"! Again, our Earthly vision isn't great enough to see the moments ahead, and since it's the only view we've got, we're heavily influenced by it. It's okay to tell Him that too - he's the one that gave us the view of the world that we have. If you don't like it, tell Him about it. He's got big shoulders.
i tend to be melancholy too, and i think about how realizing in college that i am an existentialist doesn't have much if anything to do with my daily life now. you've accomplished more in the time since we graduated than anyone else i know who we went to school with.
Perhaps it is time to open yourself to people a little more than you are already doing. Make a point to interact with people, even the people you find annoying and "not your type". I have very often in my life felt this desperate lonliness (even after marrying Jennifer), and I have found that the only real cure for it is to actively seek people out. This isn't necessarily a romantic thing. Sometimes we just need to know that there is someone who would care if we were in the world or not, even if there is no romantic connection at all. This may be trite, but to be someone who is cared about, we must be people who care and display that care in real ways to other lonely and hurting people.
Mayito,
I agree with Andrew. You are extremely talented, passionate, hard working, funny, and (I could go on), but you are so hard on yourself. You beat yourself up way to much over the things you don't like about yourself. We all have huge imperfections and flaws. You are not as different from the rest of us as you think. We miss you.
Taylor
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