the tragedy that was

I led worship at church yesterday. You know, I had gotten pretty confident in my leading abilities. After a lot of people come up to you and tell you that you have a gift for singing and thank you time and time again for leading, you'd probably begin to believe it too. The order of worship for yesterday was the following:

Ancient of Days
You Are Worthy of My Praise
Great In Power

Welcome/Announcements

He Leadeth Me
Step By Step
Just a Closer Walk With Thee

Scripture

You Are My Hiding Place
My Eyes Are Dry

Communion

Jesus, Let Us Come to Know You
My God and I

Message

A Wonderful Savior

Prayer

I know, I know - I went a bit old school with the order, but I thought it'd be OK. The first mess-up that happened was when I started "Just a Closer Walk with Thee." I had had some trouble with the first phrase of this song during practice and was kind of nervous about starting it - it started off a little bit rough and then came together - not too bad. The second error that occurred yesterday was when "You Are My Hiding Place" was ending. I had several people in the congregation that kept going when the song was supposed to end, so I sort of stopped and then continued with them. It looked as if I had messed up. Again, not so big of a deal. The third mess-up was during "My God and I." Seriously, who messes up "My God and I?" It's a church staple. I know that older songs can get kind of boring, so I try to do things to liven them up a bit. I was wanting to follow the hymnal's instructions of bringing out the altos on the second verse and bringing out the basses on the third. Well, I must have had the alto stuck in my head because when I started the song, that's the part I sang. I didn't sing the melody, I sang the alto - and for the life of me, I couldn't switch to the lead. I was so frustrated!! I got down from the pulpit thoroughly upset with myself wondering why in the world anyone would pick me as a worship leader. By the way, I'm also getting paid to do this.

But when did worship become about me doing well or messing up? Worship should be all about God - praising him, adoring him, thanking him, blessing him, etc. In my attempt to lead the congregation in meaningful worship, I lost sight of the fact that it's not about me - ever. I think God appreciates my work in trying to make worship as good as possible, but it doesn't matter to him whether I sing the lead or the harmony - or even if I sing on key at all. What matters is if I'm doing it with the right heart. Yesterday, unfortunately, I was not.

So, we ended with "A Wonderful Savior." It went well - no mess-ups. God is good.

By the way, I'm about to clear a thousand dollars in my fundraising for The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. Woohoo!!

Thanks for reading.

?!?

Not much to write these days. I'll start advanced internship next week at UNT and I'm slightly pissed off about it - all selfish reasons really. My two week break from UNT has not been a break from my regular job - while the rest of my classmates get time to relax (my perception), I still have to work. Then my professor sends me an e-mail about my supervision time which cuts into my workday - they don't understand that I have to make a living. I really, really want to cuss. I'm afraid I will be less than friendly next week when I go back. I've got to relax.

Anybody know that song by Green Day - "I walk a lonely road - the only one that I have ever known." Well, I felt that a lot this week. OK, enough about that.

Dad's doing a little bit better, but I'm not sure if it's him just trying to put on a show for his brother that came into town today. Hopefully, the medication is working.

Finally, I've raised $640 for LLS. Just $3360 to go. You can help me out by going here to donate.

I think I'm going to go and see Cinderella Man tonight. I've been waiting for this one. So far the best movie of the year has been Crash. If you haven't seen that movie, I highly recommend you do. Excellent content.

Later.